Jokes

[Big blue boy]

come on lads lets here your jokes


wat do u call half a rabbit RAB lol

[LENNY]

on that note, harty saying ur main man..lock this thread.

[Big blue boy]

lmao hahahaha ok 1 more

Wat do u call a chinese pe teacher with 1 leg wannnnnnnnnnnnnn gymmmmmmmmm shoeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[LENNY]

lol..not bad

[mrfish]

What kind of biscuits fly?



Wee plane ones..... ;D

[LENNY]

Oct 7, 2010 20:22:32 GMT mrfish said:

What kind of biscuits fly?



Wee plane ones..... ;D

always with the biscuits fish!

[Big blue boy]

2 blondes buy a jigsaw and complete it in 6til 7 months impressed as it says 2 til 3 years on the box lmao

[mrfish]

Oct 7, 2010 20:23:33 GMT LENNY said:

Oct 7, 2010 20:22:32 GMT mrfish said:

What kind of biscuits fly?



Wee plane ones..... ;D

always with the biscuits fish!

Right f**k ye.....

Two lads out lushing in the bar. They've been there a while and Harold goes to get another round in when he's stopped in his tracks by a worried Kumar.....

Kumar - Noooo, I canny stay any longer Harry, the wife is going to kill me as it is FFS!!!

Harold - Bollocks mate. Do what I do.

Kumar - What do you do??

Harold - I'll f**king tell you what I do, I get pissed, drink all the drink I can get down me neck and stagger home at me leisure. Now, pay attention as this is the key part. Once I get in I shoot up the stairs as fast as I can, in the bedroom door, dive under the sheets, head between her legs and munch!!!! She's that excited she forgets to fall out with me!!!

Kumar - That's brilliant. Right. I'll have a pint, and a whiskey!!!!!

The pair continue into the wee hours and end up legless.

Kumar does the needful. Straight up the stairs, head between the legs, munch munch, licky licky. He's there that long his f**king face is soggy.

When he's finished he thinks, "I better go and wash me face in case she wants a kiss"...

He opens the bog door and she's sat there on the bog.

He goes, "Ohhhhhhh",

She said, "Shuuuuush, you'll wake your f**king mother"!!!!!

;D ;D

[pele]

Tl;dr

[mrfish]

Oct 7, 2010 20:36:57 GMT @pele said:

Tl;dr

What does this mean Pele?? I can't figure it out...

Bet I'm pure missing something!!! ;D

[pele]

Oct 7, 2010 20:40:27 GMT mrfish said:

Oct 7, 2010 20:36:57 GMT @pele said:

Tl;dr

What does this mean Pele?? I can't figure it out...

Bet I'm pure missing something!!! ;D

3 guesses

[mrfish]

Oct 7, 2010 20:42:51 GMT @pele said:

Oct 7, 2010 20:40:27 GMT mrfish said:

What does this mean Pele?? I can't figure it out...

Bet I'm pure missing something!!! ;D

3 guesses

I'm not playing!!!

And it's not even saturday morning yet!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

[bremner]

What you call John Waynes Kids.............The weeaynes. Old as they come.

[bremner]

It has been announced that the council have refused Liverpool FC permission to build a new stadium in Stanley Park. A spokesman said a fun fair once or twice a year is ok but a f**kin circus every other week is just taking the pi55 ;D

[Mitty]

Oct 7, 2010 20:51:38 GMT mrfish said:

Oct 7, 2010 20:42:51 GMT @pele said:

3 guesses

I'm not playing!!!

And it's not even saturday morning yet!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D

[TheCat]

Oct 7, 2010 21:01:16 GMT bremner said:

What you call John Waynes Kids.............The weeaynes. Old as they come.

Old....... and s**te!

[topofthetownclown]

i hear there was a security alert in the doury road earlier!!!!!the police and army had the whole place cordened off due to a suspicous object!!! It turned out to be a pay slip!!!!!

[cocky]

Cheryl Cole, louis Walsh & Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls her knickers down, and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn" Louis starts crying. "What...s wrong ?" says Simon. Louis sobs "My head wont fit in the railings !"

[topofthetownclown]

Oct 8, 2010 13:13:52 GMT cocky said:

Cheryl Cole, louis Walsh & Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls her knickers down, and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn" Louis starts crying. "What...s wrong ?" says Simon. Louis sobs "My head wont fit in the railings !"

;D ;D ;D ;D

[cocky]

Pope gets shot on his visit to the uk and is rushed to hospital.On his way to the operating theatre he whispers to the nurse "Am i in heaven?" the nurse says "No we're just taking a shortcut through the childrens ward!!

[cocky]

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
" Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ... Take it out....." He said..
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands .
Then paused..
The man closed his eyes and whispered ..
"Well .... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it
close to her lips, .... .tentatively said ....

"Hello. Mum, can you hear me?"

[ratman]

What do you call a fat hispanic tv presenter?

Eammon...Hommmmes...

[mrfish]

Oct 8, 2010 13:16:29 GMT cocky said:

Pope gets shot on his visit to the uk and is rushed to hospital.On his way to the operating theatre he whispers to the nurse "Am i in heaven?" the nurse says "No we're just taking a shortcut through the childrens ward!!

FFS!!

That better not start anything ye hure!! ;D

[cocky]

hopefully everyone has sense of humour and it doesnt but it is good. ill post 1 from the other side to even it out.

[cocky]

Whats Alice in Wonderland and Billy Wright got in common?


Alice got out of the Maze.

[mrfish]

Oct 8, 2010 13:35:18 GMT cocky said:

Whats Alice in Wonderland and Billy Wright got in common?


Alice got out of the Maze.

I do believe that's one each!! ;D ;D

Hope you're right Cocky, fingers crossed!!!

[cocky]

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it’s final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, what are you going to do do in Toronto?"

"Well," says the pilot, "first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a big dump.....after which, I’m gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner..... and then after dinner and a few drinks, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night."

Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the isles trying to get a look at the new stewardess.

Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She’s so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He’s gotta take a s**t first."

[BFP]

a bit on the racist side here, so if a mod thinks its too much and wants to take it off, work away:

A black baby was given a pair of wings by God. He asks "God does this mean that I am an angel? God laughs 'of course not you c*nt. You're a fly!

[BFP]

A group of friends, all age 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice bums.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food was good and the wine selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could dine in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had an elevator.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

[pele10]

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door.
They asked me what I would like for my birthday.
I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex.
It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."