General Skyblues Chat.

[The Octapus Strikes again]

After reading recent headlines concerning sammy 'the octapus' neil, ' the tinkerman' rainey summonsed him to his office in the community centre on mon nite. after hearing about the adledged sexual harassment incident on a nite out in magerafelt, wif a woman who can only be identified as miss a, due to legal reasons, and yet another missed training session it seems time is running out for the tubby defender, this may be his last chance to prove his worth, after a string of similar incidents involving unwilling ladies, only time will tell.

[Steed Malbranque]

Guest-waddells said:

is waddell really bent or are you just making it up? he keeps asking me to pick pens up that he's dropped, which i find very strange! he also informs me quite regularly that he is the best player in the team and that ballymena are following his progress, can he be taking seriously?

The only thing in Ballymena following Waddell around are the sheep.

Ol' Mark "Jacko/Slicer/Duck's Arse" Waddell is as straight as the Randalstown roundabout.

[W Beggs]

Guest-Steed said:

We here Gareth Kebab Mott was seen having contact talks with Jaco jesus christ jockey Ewart about a possible tranfer but talks broke up when jaco told him it would be £3 on a saturday and he would have to train

[Marty McKibbin]

I am also a workmate of Mark Waddell and i am also worried about marks recent behaviour. He has spent an alarming amount of time in the stationary room with Niall Clegg who is the only person to have come out in the office. It has now come to a point where nobody wants to be in the same room as him alone (apart from Niall). As a last resort, we the people of CCU are asking yourselves to confirm if this is the case because the xmas party is coming up soon and we want no comprimising situations developing. PS Could you also confirm if he is going on trial to Glasgow Rangers next week as he has also alleged today.

[Pavel]

We here Gareth Kebab Mott was seen having contact talks with Jaco jesus christ jockey Ewart about a possible tranfer but talks broke up when jaco told him it would be £3 on a saturday and he would have to train

Looks like Wee Bear's barren streak upfront is worrying Jackson. The Red's problem isn't scoring goals it's down the other end. Far too many goals let in.

Imagine the strikeforce of Mott and McKittrick upfront, just like old times . Shed loads of goals.

[Adriann Logan UTV Sport]

Breaking news just in to the sports studio here that 2 Sky Blues players - allegedly named as Mark 'P & 0' Waddell and Sammy 'Stena Line' Neill - were last night caught up in a 'roasting' scandal at a top hotel in the port town of Larne.

It has been alleged that the two Sky Blue centre backs had secretly met up with the starstruck young groupie through an internet 'lonely hearts' chatroom and had arranged to miss training last night for one of their infamous 'roasting' sessions.

It is believed that Mark 'Driving Test' Waddell was the last choice to accompany Neill last night as 'Octopus' Neill was desperate for a companion.

One source from the top hotel was believed to have heard Waddell singing to the big boned, heavy, ginger groupie

"Your only 15 stone, your having a laugh !!,
Your only 15 stone, your having a laugh !!"

at 3am in the morning.

Quite what this will do to his on-off relationship with P 'Didi' Gult remains to be seen.

This is the latest in a long time of disturbing allegations against Waddell and it is plain to see that time is running out for this young players Sky Blue career. Indeed manager Alec 'Tinkerman' Rainey reacted angrily this morning by throwing his cup-o-soup and sausage bap at our reporter when told about the shocking news, which brings in to question the clubs family image.

One club source said that Waddell has been spinning out of control ever since last season and he does not seem to be able to handle the spotlight that has come his way.

After Waddell missing training again last night Club fitness coach Harris ' is this training or a f*ckin fashion shoot' Talbot seemed ready to wash his hands of the young pretender by referring to the ever increasing and better potential of his elder brother 'Weedo' who will soon return from suspension.

Could this be the end of the road for Eddy 'eyebrows' Waddell ?

[Stephen Watson BBC]

It seems the dogging scandal that has wrecked Stan Collymores career has reached the suburban village of Randalstown. Two young players who can only be described as ' Dumb and Dumber' have it seems been suucked into the seedy underground dealings while replying to a lonely hearts advert in the Irish News.

Tubby defender Sammy 'Octopus' Neill and his brainless sidekick Mark ' I like boys' Waddell were apprehended in the early hours of this morning (Thursday) by the Larne PSNI as they tried to approach a unmarked Police Massey Ferguson at Larnes Beachy head. It seems when Waddell was questioned he thought that neill was taking him to the beach to do 'Doggies' which would build up his somewhat weak frame.
This is anothyer blow to their manager Alec 'Tinkerman' Rainey as he was trying to rebuild both players careers after there previous misdemeanours most notibly with Waddells Love for Peter Gault being out in the open and Neill assaulting a young reveller (miss A) in Dormans last week.

The question is .... How long can these players survive in the couldron that is the Saturday Morning First Division ?

[LATEST NEWS]

SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS:-

Police failed in an early morning bid to apperehend yet another Skyblues player in an undercover drugs bust. Operation "Amsterdam" failed when police raided the wrong house in their quest for the capture of Ricky "panda" Ewart, instead police arressted famous darts player Ted Hankey in a case of mistaken identity. A police spokesperson said the ressemblence between the 2 men was uncanny an apologised to the darts supremo. Our reporter manage to have a breif word with Ewarts long suffering g/friend Lisa and asked why he was know as "Panda", she bitterly replied "because he eats shoots and leaves", interview terminated at this point due to Lisa`s crying.

[MORE LATEST NEWS]

SKY SPORTS BREAKING NEWS:-

A story appeared today in an edition of the Istanbul Independant paper concerning the future of skyblues "passing king" Gareth "kebab" Mott, the source was local kebab shop owner and R`town Athletic player Hassan Fenerbache, he stated "Dispite public objection he will not be banning Mr.Mott from his establishment as he was his best customer and a very much needed source of income". So looks like "the tinkerman" has his work cut out for the forseeable future....

[baggio2]

News from around the camfire is that former goldenboy Ady "anderton" Patton is in line for his 2nd start of the season thanks to the off field antics of the back 2 duo of Sammy "octopus" Neil as his partner in slime Mark "handshandy" Waddell. "Anderton" Patton will be a welcome edition back into the fold as he looks as sharp as ever.

[SEEKING THE SPOT LIGHT AGAIN]

Indeed it sames that another Blues Player is seeking more than his fair share of the spotlight, whilst trying to outdo Sammy 'Octopus' Neill and his brainless sidekick Mark ' I like boys' Waddell. It seems that a certain blues striker is trying to carve out a career in politics instead of focusing on his football career. ( see photo ).

Alex 'Tinkerman' Rainey was unavailable for comment on the matter but we hope to bring an updated report on the matter later in the week.

[Bubbles]

at least Motter's got his colours nailed on ...................

[SKY BLUES NEWS]

NEWS JUST IN:

MARK "PIGEON FACE" WADDELL GOES TO THE BEACH CLUB WITH BIG SISTER

CHAY "BOTOX" HOGARTY ANNOUNCES LOVE FOR JILL CUMMINGS

DAVID "BIRTHDAY BOY" WADDELL WINS RUGBY CLUB FANCY DRESS CONTEST

IN ANOTHER WEEKEND SURROUNDING THE EVER MORE TALKED ABOUT SKY BLUE TEAM PIGEON FACE CONTINUES TO RUN HIS NAME INTO THE GROUND, MARK"JORDY RACER" WADDELL PICTURED WITH TWO LEGGY FOREIGN GIRLS AND SISTER DIONNE "SCHUMACHER" WADDELL. HIS STRANGE CHOICE OF FRIENDS IS A RESULT OF CONSTANT PRESSURE ABOUT HIS SEXUALITY FROM FELLOW TEAM MATES. THOUGH SURELY HIS NEW SOCIALISING COMPANIONS WILL CAUSE MORE UP ROAR IN THE CHANGING ROOM WITH ONE OF THE FOREIGN LADIES HAVING A SIMILAR CHEST TO DAVID "SNAP FRECKLE AND POP" WADDELL AND THE MASCULINE FEATURES OF DAVID "CHESNEY" SIMPLE. IT ALL ADDS UP TO MAKING EVERYONE CONCERNED ABOUT WERE JORDY RACERS EYES ARE GOING IN THE DRESSING ROOM.


IT HAS ALSO BEEN WELL PUBLISISED ABOUT CHAY"BOTOX" HOGARTYS STRESSFULL RELATIONSHIP WITH BANK ASSISTANT MICHELL WITH OCTOPOSE NEIL AND TWO FINGER DIXON MAKING SEVERAL PASSES AT THE NORTHERN BANK WORKER.
BUT WE CAN EXCLUSIVELY REVEAL THE TWO WEEK FLING IS OVER SO CHAY"MOISTURISER" HOGARTY CAN BE WITH JILL CUMMINGS AGAIN. OUR UNDERCOVER REPORTER AARON "CHUNKY"HILL REVEALED IT WAS ALL A PLOY TO GET A HUGE OVERDRAFT TO PAY DEBT OUTSTANDING ON BOTOX AND PENIS ENLARGEMENT TREATMENT. CHUNKY HILL SAID THAT MICHELL WAS VERY UPSET AND DIDN`T WANT TO COMMENT ON THE MATTER.
THIS AGAIN MAKES IT HARD FOR THE TINKERMAN TO PIK LESLIE ASH HOGARTY .


FINALLY A BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO BIRTHDAY BOY DAVID "JETTI" WADDELL. THE HAIREY 22 YEAR OLD WON FIRST PRIZE AT THE RUGBY CLUBS HALLOWEEN FANCY DRESS CONTEST. REPORTER CHUNKY HILL SAID JETTI TOOK HIS TOP OF AT THE RIGHT TIME AND JUDGES JOHNDALEER AND ADY "BRUCE FORSYTHE" PATTON SPOTTED THE SILVER BACKED GORILLA CUSTUM STRAIGHT AWAY AND AWARDED FIRST PRIZE,TRACY SILFRIDGE WAS ON HAND AND JETTI WADDELL GRABBED HER AND THANKED EVERYONE CONCERNED.


TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO HEAR HOW THE TINKERMAN DROPPED HIS CAPTAIN TO SETTLE AN OPTIMATUM GIVING BY MOODY ADY " ANELKA" PATTON

[Steed Malbranque]

It seems that having had tons of spare time on his hands waiting until he is able to play football again has led David "Mark Walberg" Waddell into another role in his career.

The pretty boy gutted that he is at the moment out of the headlines; decided to take up acting and can be seen making his debut in Planet of the Apes tonight on Channel 5.

Alec Ranieri Rainey, is reported to be fuming that Waddell could pull off such a stunt like this. He wants no prima-donna's or anyone's private life to hog the headlines from the club.

Unfortunately it's just the latest in a string of scandals that have struck the club.

In other news Sammy Neill, having retained the heavyweight championship last weekend is now fit again to take on any contenders willing to have a go. He can be found out on the pull most nights for those looking to accept the challenge

[baggio2]

[glow=red,2,300]b*****dS!!!![/glow]

LEAVE THE OLD BOY ALONE!!!

[SKYBLUES FANZINE WEEKLY]

LATEST NEWS 01/11/04.

"OCTOPUS`S LOVE HEARTBREAK EXCLUSIVE!

Sammy "octopus" Neil has revealed to us why he has gone off the rails lately and has had his named dragged through the local so called papers and why manager Alec "tinkerman" Rainey had to have a serious talk to him about his future at the club due to his somewhat unsavoury off field antics!

Sammy has revealed that his one time love has left their lovenest and moved back home after she discovered he had been lying to her for the duration of their relationship.
The extent of the lies was revealed to us by the "Octopus`s former love. (We have at this point changed her name to protect her identity, so we are using the name "Clare".)
"Clare" has said that as the Octopus was her only lover to date, she said that she only recently found out that sex in general lasted a lot longer than the 10 SECONDS the "Octopus" had claimed was the normal for all males.

So a big lie told by the even bigger tubby defender, hope hes`s as quick "cumming" out of defence as he is in bed!

NEXT ON FANZINE,

SKYBLUES CAPTAIN WANTS A NICKNAME!

[DECKY HAS A SERIOUS WORD]

Hello fellow team mates, it has come to my attention that off the pitch certain players are misbehaving, as club captain i feel it is my duty to put a stop to this beheviour or i may end up winning nothing else in my so called steady career.
Players need to take a leaf out of my book and sit in all the time with a lovely lovely girl like mine, i know this may be difficult for some players, particuly the older ones such as Ady "grandpa" Patton.
Some come on guys put the club 1st and be like me, maybe we can form a wee gang or something?
Anyway must go, got some knitting to finish, and remember "u can take a shark to the sea but u cant make it drink". Ta-Ta for now, and try to behave.

[Motts Dietician]

It seems that Gareth 'kebab' Mott has been trying to relieve a somewhat guilty conscience. Although you would think it is because he eats so many pies and cream buns it seems not to be the case. After a night out last thursday he went on a shopping spree and splashed out perfume for his long suffering girlfriend Amie. Is this due to the fact that the phantom easyjet flights to Paris still haven't been booked or is it something more sinister ?Does the fat forward have something to hide

[Motts Plastic Surgeon]

Due to limited funds it has become apparent that Gareth 'Fat Boy' Motts dreams of having liposuction have gone down the pan. After many years of comfort eating it has come to light that he owes the home bakery £23,769 pounds for past six months !!!

Could this all be related to the constant abuse he takes from his club mates and fans alike due to his lack of ability and mobility ? Surely the tinkerman cannot put up with this for much longer?

[Steed Malbranque]

After another weekend of headline anguish for roasting buddies, Mark "Handbag" Waddell; and Sammy "Octopus" Neill. Alec Ranieri Rainey is seriously considering an offer from Glasgow Rangers for the pair. Alex McLeish has been seen scouting young Mark Waddell for the reserves but was worried about him becoming homesick and therefore has offered to bring his partner in crime along also.

Alec is quoted to be looking for around £1 for the pair. Along with another few quid after Waddell has played 20 games for the Gers.

As a sideline to this story the police are interested in the wereabouts of the dynamic duo after more reports came in of their antics out on the prowl at the weekend.

Alec also commented on a new position for star forward Gareth Mott. "After watching him clear up at the kebab shop, I decided he must be a good sweeper."

Let's hope Gareth can continue to finish his chances with the same fervour he finishes off entire chippies.

[Board Member]

Talks on the possible transfer of Gareth Kebab Mott from the Sky Blues to West End have hit a hitch when Westend became concerned at how Gareths would come to terms with their pitch being so near to Boss Hoggs and Dilingers food outlets.
All transfer talks have been put on hold until West End have Gareth watched tomorrow to see how much food he really can eat .

[SKYBLUES FANZINE WEEKLY]

SKYBLUES PLAYER SINKS TO NEW LOW ON PITCH!

It is this SKYBLUES FANZINE`S sad duty to report the on field antics of Mark "George Micheal" Waddell on saturday against Burnfoot Utd. With the game already won and SKYBLUES in cruise control the young less than gifted defender got himself sent off for, as the referee thought, violent conduct, when in fact it was for something else entirely as witnessed by several SKYBLUES faithful who were standing close to the unsavoury incident.
Fan Aaron "Benny the Ball" Hill stated that " the Burnfoot player did indeed grab Mark "Spencer Moon" Waddell by the nuts ",but wot happened next would haunt him till the end of his days. It then transpired that the young defender then gently carressed his opponents neck and said to him "Lets see u try that in the toilets after the match". Obviously the refs view that he had him by the throat was grossly unfair and a protest by the "Tinkerman" may be lodged as a result of the true happenings have come to light.
Mr. Hill also maintains that he could also swear there was the beginnings of a semi in the youngsters shorts when he was sent to the sideline in disgrace.
Hope attitudes and lessons will be learned from these incidents on and off the pitch!

[James the cheat Carson]

If winning Leagues, avoiding relegation is what your team is looking for.
Contact James (the cheat) Carson
Just some of the things I can do
Send up to four players off for doing nothing
Give penaltys for fun
Add up to twenty mins extra time until we get to the desired result

[A Chayambles]

A Chay-ambles

Following the disappointing result, 3-2 win away to Downpatrick II, the above headline in this week's chronicle contain the above headline.

Reporters suggest that Chay ' Schoolboy' Hogarty has again failed to live up to the expectations of a superstar centre-half in the blues defence such as 'brick wall' waddell. He unbelievably gifted the home team a goal in the first half by a ridiculous error even marty 'mop up' clarke could have dealt with.

Some have already suggested the lowly Hogarty would never get near the heights expected of him again. Instead he's a man, past his best, a pale and poignant ghost of a player over-rated in a previous light.

However 'tinkerman' rainey can continue to look on the bright-side as his formidable partnership of 'baresi' waddell and 'no way past' neill have only conceded 1 goal in their last 5 games together.

Now the gaffer has a big decision to contest, what does he do with the defensively vunerable 'packet of fegs' Hogarty and 'Anderton' patton.............

[Only one ady PatTTTTTTTTTTooon]

THere's only one ady PppaaaaaTTTTttttttonnnnnnnnn
THere's only one ady PppaaaaaTTTTttttttonnnnnnnnn

He last's a half...........
Your avin a laff...........

WAlking in a Patttttooooonnnnnnn wonderland

[baggio2]

Very good Marky boy!
Seems `Anderton` Pattons days at the club r numbered, though with dat current defence he must be wondering why....

[The One And Only]

After another great win on sat it seems that the future for Mark 'Woo Woo' Waddell is somewhat unsure. After getting sent off last week when an opposing player read the signs wrong that Mark was giving he stupidly lifted his hand to bitch slap him!!! As well as not being able to play the young light weight couldn't even turn up and support his team mates as he was hung over from drinking too many Woo Woo's at the Beaten Docket on Friday night.
It will be hard for the tinkerman to change his winning side and with the young pretenders brother to come into the fold and the sublime multi functional Hogarty pulling the strings it doesn't bode well for his already somewhat dodgy career !!!

[SKYBLUES FANZINE WEEKLY]

MYSTERY OF MISSING PLAYER!

Were is Barry "Lord Lucan" Mott? Fans have reported that this in effective winger has now not bin seen at matches for several weeks now.
It seems that between the hours of 10:30 til 12:00 on a saturday morning he is nowhere to be seen and also at the Junior Cup tie between 01:30 til 03:30pm, it really is a mystery and connections of the club have had to contact the F.B.I and it seems this could be an X-File, special agent Dana Scully is enroute and will be in Larne on saturday to see this phennonenon for herself, hope she can shed some light on this problem for the sake of the team.

NEXT ON FANZINE- MARK "DUVET IN THE BATHROOM" WADDELL`S GIRL PROBLEMS!

[Psycho]

There is some crap talked on this part of the forum. Use really have to start gettin urselfs lives! If u wann talk then talk about football!!! Not all this random crap use seem to be coming out with!!!

[Lawrie Sanchez]

Have to agree with mr. psycho on this one!