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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 15:12:23 GMT
SHAM!!!! That was me organised that pele. One of the funniest things i ever was part of! The pair were Slegging the balls off each other and then A brought up M's sister. The whole 52 seater was listening by this point. I was sitting beside A and i knew M's Brother was unemployed and home at the time (everyone say hi to the culprit, forum member 'g' who played a blinder that day) and told him when their sis came home from tech to get her phone and send A a text saying ye want to meet him again etc. I then told A to let it be for now and what i had planned... A few hours later 'g' played his part. Me and A had it all worked out by then and pretended we thought someone on the bus was sending dirty messages winding him up (everyone had more or less forgot the slagging match from earlier) and asked everyone to 'type this number in yer phones to see if anyone knows it'. You want to have seen M's face as he pretended he didn't care, haha. Ive never heard crowded laughter like it, brilliant! 'g' text me later then to say M had been texting calling her all the hures of the day hahaha After this story we discussed last week on another thread I thought we could have a thread where we can tell of jokes we've played on folk or jokes we've heard other people playing on someone. I'm sure there are some of you with crackers to tell??? |
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 15:36:14 GMT
I'll start.... Going back quite a few years ago we were watching some match in wee donald's bedroom when he was living with his ma. There was myself, Donald and a mean cage fighting friend of ours there at the time and I noticed the cage fighter had left his phone lying when he went to the toilet.... The previous night he had been out (I think it was Dorman's) and pulled a girl who was only living a short distance from Donald's house and had just got a wee kiss. While he was at the bog I took his phone and changed my name and her name around on it and set it back where he had left it. He was only sitting a minute when I text him saying, "I had such a lovely time with you last night. I thought you were never going to ask me out. Glad you did!!!! xxx". He jumped up with the cockyest face I ever laid eyes on and said to me, "look sham, clean all over me, hahaha. f**king ejit."... I asked him if he was going to make a play for it and he replied, "am I f**k sham, I'm going to tell her to wise up, hahahah, ejit!!".. Obviously my phone was on silent and a minute later I received a reply that went something like, "me too. It was a lovely night pet. You were looking pure class too. Would love to do it again some time xxx"... I don't know how I didn't laugh out loud but I kept er lit and replied, "ooooh yeeesss, I'm so glad to hear it pet. I was hoping it wasn't just the drink talking last night when you said you always fancied me xxx"... He looked at me again and said (without showing me the message) "for f**k sake Paul, she just doesn't give up".. LOL. He then replied "I can't wait to see you again xxx"... I sent back, "well, my mum and dad are away for the night and I'm home all alone if you fancied warming me up. This bed's soooo big and I need company  xxx"... He panicked and told us she asked him up to the house because her folks were away so me and my good friend Donald kept at him to catch his self on and go as it was on a plate. He kept going to leave and then stalling saying that he might be getting the signals wrong etc and didn't want to go up there if they were just going to watch f**king TV so I convinced him that I would wait 15 or 20 minutes and ring his phone seeing if he was still going to the cinema. If things were going well he'd say no but if they were going nowhere he would be able to say he had forgotten that he told us he'd drive.... He jumped up, "brilliant Paul, I'm away for a bit hahaha, don't forget to ring"... Me and Donald waited, waited and waited until he was far enough up the path before bursting into fits of laughter!! We waited for a few minutes and tiptoed round the corner to this girls house and he's standing outside. I thought s**t, he's caught us but we just said we came up to see if he went through with it etc. He was confused as both parents cars were still in the driveway but we managed to convince him that the da had a van too and it was nowhere to be seen so they were clearly away in that. ;D He went and knocked the front door and her ma answered!!! LOL.. He asked was she in and her mum, looking bewildered, shouted upstairs for her. She came down, also looking bewildered, and asked him in..... I then text him saying "you're looking gorgeous tonight" and he later told me he couldn't work it out as "she" text him but he could see her (he was sitting on a chair in her room and she was sitting on her bed) and her phone was in the charger on the bedside table. I waited about about 15 minutes and then rang HER phone, asked if he was with her and told her to tell him we weren't going to the cinema anymore and we'd just see him tomorrow!!!!! hahahahahaha.... ;D ;D ;D ;D He was f**king raging!!!  |
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Post by topofthetownclown on Sept 2, 2010 15:40:01 GMT
Have to say the 1 wee barry mclarnon played on monk has to b up there!!!!!!! After 1 of monk many injuries big gilmore told him martin donnelly's the man for it he'll have him sorted once and for all. monk then asks gilmore for his number but big g gives him wee barrys number then rings barry to tell him the crack,later that evening wee monk rings barry thinking its martin donnelly and barry pplays a blinder by flicking through his newspaper(diary) and noticing they were doin half price deals down in the george sloan centre the next day and if martin wasnt about to ask for billy keornahan(fella's a george sloan member,pure sin by the way) so the next day comes and im sittin beside wee barry in the work van and his phone rings and its wee monk he's down in the george sloan centre and the recepionist hasnt a baldy wat he's on about and billy isnt about either lol so monk passes the phone to the recepionist and barry starts pissin himself with laughter the women then says to monk son i think some1s playin a trick on u!!!! seen the poor wee soul 6 hours later and he still had a redner  |
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 15:42:19 GMT
hahahahahahahaha, Clown, that's a f**king cracker!!!!!!! A sinful one but a f**king cracker all the same!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!
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Post by LENNY on Sept 2, 2010 16:18:25 GMT
I'll start.... Going back quite a few years ago we were watching some match in wee donald's bedroom when he was living with his ma. There was myself, Donald and a mean cage fighting friend of ours there at the time and I noticed the cage fighter had left his phone lying when he went to the toilet.... The previous night he had been out (I think it was Dorman's) and pulled a girl who was only living a short distance from Donald's house and had just got a wee kiss. While he was at the bog I took his phone and changed my name and her name around on it and set it back where he had left it. He was only sitting a minute when I text him saying, "I had such a lovely time with you last night. I thought you were never going to ask me out. Glad you did!!!! xxx". He jumped up with the cockyest face I ever laid eyes on and said to me, "look sham, clean all over me, hahaha. f**king ejit."... I asked him if he was going to make a play for it and he replied, "am I f**k sham, I'm going to tell her to wise up, hahahah, ejit!!".. Obviously my phone was on silent and a minute later I received a reply that went something like, "me too. It was a lovely night pet. You were looking pure class too. Would love to do it again some time xxx"... I don't know how I didn't laugh out loud but I kept er lit and replied, "ooooh yeeesss, I'm so glad to hear it pet. I was hoping it wasn't just the drink talking last night when you said you always fancied me xxx"... He looked at me again and said (without showing me the message) "for f**k sake Paul, she just doesn't give up".. LOL. He then replied "I can't wait to see you again xxx"... I sent back, "well, my mum and dad are away for the night and I'm home all alone if you fancied warming me up. This bed's soooo big and I need company xxx"... He panicked and told us she asked him up to the house because her folks were away so me and my good friend Donald kept at him to catch his self on and go as it was on a plate. He kept going to leave and then stalling saying that he might be getting the signals wrong etc and didn't want to go up there if they were just going to watch f**king TV so I convinced him that I would wait 15 or 20 minutes and ring his phone seeing if he was still going to the cinema. If things were going well he'd say no but if they were going nowhere he would be able to say he had forgotten that he told us he'd drive.... He jumped up, "brilliant Paul, I'm away for a bit hahaha, don't forget to ring"... Me and Donald waited, waited and waited until he was far enough up the path before bursting into fits of laughter!! We waited for a few minutes and tiptoed round the corner to this girls house and he's standing outside. I thought s**t, he's caught us but we just said we came up to see if he went through with it etc. He was confused as both parents cars were still in the driveway but we managed to convince him that the da had a van too and it was nowhere to be seen so they were clearly away in that. ;D He went and knocked the front door and her ma answered!!! LOL.. He asked was she in and her mum, looking bewildered, shouted upstairs for her. She came down, also looking bewildered, and asked him in..... I then text him saying "you're looking gorgeous tonight" and he later told me he couldn't work it out as "she" text him but he could see her (he was sitting on a chair in her room and she was sitting on her bed) and her phone was in the charger on the bedside table. I waited about about 15 minutes and then rang HER phone, asked if he was with her and told her to tell him we weren't going to the cinema anymore and we'd just see him tomorrow!!!!! hahahahahaha.... ;D ;D ;D ;D He was f**king raging!!! Genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by pele on Sept 2, 2010 17:21:19 GMT
I done a similair one only imo alot better that lasted for about a week, Its too long to write up but remind to tell you sometime ;D
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 17:24:34 GMT
I done a similair one only imo alot better that lasted for about a week, Its too long to write up but remind to tell you sometime ;D Yeah yeah, sure!! ;D How do you beat luring someone to a donar's bedroom who has no f**king idea why you're there and all the while you think you're getting a plum!! ;D ;D Get a story up ye lazy big ginger!! |
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Post by pele on Sept 2, 2010 17:56:08 GMT
I done a similair one only imo alot better that lasted for about a week, Its too long to write up but remind to tell you sometime ;D Yeah yeah, sure!! ;D How do you beat luring someone to a donar's bedroom who has no f**king idea why you're there and all the while you think you're getting a plum!! ;D ;D Get a story up ye lazy big ginger!! Trust me you will agree |
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 20:35:07 GMT
Yeah yeah, sure!! ;D How do you beat luring someone to a donar's bedroom who has no f**king idea why you're there and all the while you think you're getting a plum!! ;D ;D Get a story up ye lazy big ginger!! Trust me you will agree Haha, I'm actually looking forward to hearing this beauty!! ;D |
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 20:48:10 GMT
I was actually caught with a momentary cracker at about 6am one morning as i slept in the back of the van. Ryan Agnew was in the front of the van and we pulled up in Dungiven to start work. it was that stage most of you have encountered when you're asleep in the van, it's pitch black outside on a winter's morning and you start to come round JUST as you all arrive at the destination. I was trying to prepare meself to get up and get started (would have done anything for another 20 minutes kip) when all of a sudden the van stopped, Agnew got out, opened the side door of the van and shouted "quick Paul jump out"....
Me, still half sleeping, did just that and leaped out of the van.....
...b*****d road was like a bottle and as soon as my feet hit the ground they swung over my head and I bounced down Dungiven main street on me hole much to the wails of laughter from the other hures in the van. I just lay there and slid on laughing meself once I'd gotten over the origonal shock!!
LOL...
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Post by snowman88 on Sept 2, 2010 21:34:03 GMT
Paul tell the one about the dozy fecker who thought the rub was water and drank it??? I love that one!!
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Post by pele on Sept 2, 2010 21:36:19 GMT
Another cracker i thought of there i thought i would share and he actually is a new member on here, You know who you are Well anyway one night all the lads were in the pub except for one of the group who was sitting in way the Mrs he had no credit left in his phone and needed to contact his mate in the pub so rang him from his Mrs's phone. For some reason when just the number came up on his phone he answered it and straight away said '' Hello hello is that ',$&£%%'' so his mate started pissing himself used his brain and played along by putting his Mrs on the phone pretending to be the girl he thought it was  Anyway our hero in the pub started giving her the cheesey lines asking what she was doing that night etc so his mate could overhear the convo and told his Mrs to invite him out to the address of the doll he thought he was speaking too, So she plays a blinder invites him out our hero in the pub thinks he's in for a cert ride When our hero comes off the phone he shouts the immortal line to the barmaid that has stuck way him ever since '' Carry Out Please'' gets his lush orders his taxi and 5 mins later he's outside the dolls house he thinks he's meeting when his mate texts from his Mrs's phone and says just knock at the door Anyway he starting to s**te himself by this stage then says f**k it and starts walking up the drive and honestly the doll he thinks he is meeting opens the door to head out he just looks at her sorta smiling carryout in hand thinking she gonna be all over him a few seconds pass and he now realises something is wrong when he just bursts out does she know where another fella that lives in the same estate lives!! A few days later we had to fill her in he still gets some abuse about it. I dunno if this sounds funny or not but it was f**king hilarious at the time!! ;D ;D |
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 21:37:19 GMT
Paul tell the one about the dozy fecker who thought the rub was water and drank it??? I love that one!! I've blocked that one from my memory and decided never to speak of it again!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D Hure that you are Snowman!!! LMAO!!!! |
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Post by snowman88 on Sept 2, 2010 21:47:16 GMT
Was excellent!!
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 21:50:33 GMT
Another cracker i thought of there i thought i would share and he actually is a new member on here, You know who you are Well anyway one night all the lads were in the pub except for one of the group who was sitting in way the Mrs he had no credit left in his phone and needed to contact his mate in the pub so rang him from his Mrs's phone. For some reason when just the number came up on his phone he answered it and straight away said '' Hello hello is that ',$&£%%'' so his mate started pissing himself used his brain and played along by putting his Mrs on the phone pretending to be the girl he thought it was Anyway our hero in the pub started giving her the cheesey lines asking what she was doing that night etc so his mate could overhear the convo and told his Mrs to invite him out to the address of the doll he thought he was speaking too, So she plays a blinder invites him out our hero in the pub thinks he's in for a cert ride When our hero comes off the phone he shouts the immortal line to the barmaid that has stuck way him ever since '' Carry Out Please'' gets his lush orders his taxi and 5 mins later he's outside the dolls house he thinks he's meeting when his mate texts from his Mrs's phone and says just knock at the door Anyway he starting to s**te himself by this stage then says f**k it and starts walking up the drive and honestly the doll he thinks he is meeting opens the door to head out he just looks at her sorta smiling carryout in hand thinking she gonna be all over him a few seconds pass and he now realises something is wrong when he just bursts out does she know where another fella that lives in the same estate lives!! A few days later we had to fill her in he still gets some abuse about it. I dunno if this sounds funny or not but it was f**king hilarious at the time!! ;D ;D LOL LOL LOL LOL I love it!!!! Come on hero, identify yourself!!! Carryout please!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by Jeff on Sept 2, 2010 22:26:09 GMT
quality reading leds keep em comin
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 22:56:11 GMT
For one reason or another myself and a few friends found ourselves drinking in a wee pub in the South Derry area one evening. We got to chatting about our old school days and all that when we remembered our old class mate, Johnny Stephens. At this point Johnny had went off to Ayr University or somewhere like that to study music. The man is one of the most gifted fiddle players I've ever witnessed!!!!!!!
Anyway, me being a pain in the hole thought I'd ring him and wind him up a tad....
I rang him in me finest Scottish accent (withheld number obviously) and the conversation went a little something like this.......
Me - Hullo, is that a Johnny Stephens??
Johnny - Aye, who's this??
Me - Ok, great, hullo my name's Simon from the Students Union of Scottish Further Education. Could you just confirm tae me your current course details please?
Johnny - Aye no problem mate, I'm studying music at Ayr university mate.
Me - Ok, great and how are you finding it so far?
Johnny - It's going grand mate, I'm really enjoying the whole experiance and the course is going really well.
Me - Right, that's good pal. And how are you finding things financially?
Johnny - Awk mate, it's hard ye know. It costs quite a bit to live here and I'm having to work most nights in a bar here to make money. My family send over what they can like you know but at the end of the day I need to stand on me own two feet, ye know!!
Me - Well, the reason I'm phoning Johnny is that it appears on our system that you are one of the 40 people in your campus this year entitled to a grant during your stay here to help you with your further education and livelyhood.
Johnny - You're joking mate, awk that's just the best news I've heard in years. Mate, please tell me you haven't made a mistake, are you sure?? Oh my Gooooood!!!!!
Me - No, no Johnny, it clearly says here on our data base that yourself and 39 other pupils are entitled to a sum of cash during their course.
Johnny - This is unbelievable mate, how much can I get??
Me - Our computer system has worked out that you are entitled to a grant of 3 thousand pound and that is to fully help you with buying all your instruements. It says here you will need to buy your own fiddle??
Johnny - Ah yes mate, that's definately me, I play the fiddle and need a new one. 3 grand, I just can't believe it, this is one of the best days of my life!!! What do I have to do??
Me - Well Johnny, is there a Student Union office at your local campus??
Johnny - Yes mate, beside the canteen!!!
Me - Excellant, that will make everything much easier. Ok, you need to present yourself there first thing on Monday morning and tell them Simon from the National Scottish Independant Union of Student Unions has sent you to finalize acceptance of your £3 thousand student grant, ok??
Johnny - Ok mate, thank you so much, I'll be able to do less hours in the bar here now and concentrate on my studies, you're a saint mate, thanks again!!
Me - No problem Johnny, only too happy to help..... ;D ;D
Needless to say, he wasn't the happiest of chaps come early monday afternoon!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by pele on Sept 2, 2010 23:02:28 GMT
Hahaha, Cracker ;D ;D
Here is Fiddle spotting a talent of yours, You do seem to know your fiddle players!! ;D ;D
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Post by mrfish on Sept 2, 2010 23:07:30 GMT
Here is Fiddle spotting a talent of yours, You do seem to know your fiddle players!! ;D ;D Why yes. Gary Glitter was especially gifted. He really knows how to execute a good fiddle!!! ;D ;D |
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Post by bazza85 on Sept 3, 2010 8:26:58 GMT
just reading these posts now, funny as f**k!!! ;D some beezers, especially johnny stephens ;D we were house partying 1 night in a mates house, he had a bottle of vodka on top of his fridge that he had drunk, so he filled it up with water, another m8 called up and we went would you like a vod, he said aye no bother, so we poured him the water. So we sat a while all drinking away, he had a few more, then started saying, f**king hell lads, this is strong ;D we laughed like fook, but he didn't realise we were laughing because we knew it was just water he was drinking, so he had drove up that night, come the end of the night, he was like, f**k this lads, there's no way i'm driving down home, i'm going to have to walk coz i'm fooked, so off he went walking down home we done sum slegging at him after that |
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Post by EL HADJI DIOUF on Sept 3, 2010 19:36:41 GMT
years ago a certain broadway player  who i used to run about with me decided along with me and my mates we would hit portrush for a nite of madness.pub crawl,niteclub no way home etc and didnt really care we would find a party down there all going well.the night worked out gd craic.rd the bars trax then chased way around 40fellas from belfast gonna kill us cos my mate felt 1 of there womans arses.silly c**t .anyway the broadway lad who years ago never was 1 to splash the cash got on the train on sunday shattered.on our way to bmena he spys the train conductor looking tickets.not 1 of us had 1.so him being a tightarse decides to pretend to sleep  .we then payed for our tickets.the conductor says is this bloke snoring way yous.i said no mate but dont wake him were just glad he drifted off hes a hot head,seems the violent type .when the conductor was happy we all payed he decided to leave this man in his deep slumber.little did we know our friend wasnt really pretending ,the night had caught up with him and he was 101%out for the count ;D.as we approached bmena we decided hey let the man sleep .so we jumped off the train.theres nothing like watching the train leave the platform and not a budge outta big b. :Di decided to meet up with me sister and some friends partying in beech drive and dunvane.2hrs past.my sister goes hear yer f**kin dead.he rang her going ballistic .my friend was in lisburn by this stage woke up by the conductor not only 35mile away and skint .but under pressure to show his ticket.sorry m8 if yer reading this  .bought the big man a few pints after this before i got killed.he wasnt amused ;D |
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Post by pele on Sept 3, 2010 19:51:20 GMT
He mentioned this the other week we had a good laugh, Tbf he admitted it was a cracker i suppose he would it was about 6 years on ;D
f**k the bigman could do this thread proud some of his storys are legendary!
He's a changed man now all the same apart from the temper ;D
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Post by mrfish on Sept 3, 2010 21:51:54 GMT
...hahaha, you're a brave man Carew. Man's an animal!!! LOL. Cracker all the same!!!
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Post by rubberman on Sept 3, 2010 22:07:42 GMT
I done a similair one only imo alot better that lasted for about a week, Its too long to write up but remind to tell you sometime ;D would it be the 1 way wee pat ;D ;D |
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Post by rubberman on Sept 3, 2010 22:12:22 GMT
Another cracker i thought of there i thought i would share and he actually is a new member on here, You know who you are Well anyway one night all the lads were in the pub except for one of the group who was sitting in way the Mrs he had no credit left in his phone and needed to contact his mate in the pub so rang him from his Mrs's phone. For some reason when just the number came up on his phone he answered it and straight away said '' Hello hello is that ',$&£%%'' so his mate started pissing himself used his brain and played along by putting his Mrs on the phone pretending to be the girl he thought it was Anyway our hero in the pub started giving her the cheesey lines asking what she was doing that night etc so his mate could overhear the convo and told his Mrs to invite him out to the address of the doll he thought he was speaking too, So she plays a blinder invites him out our hero in the pub thinks he's in for a cert ride When our hero comes off the phone he shouts the immortal line to the barmaid that has stuck way him ever since '' Carry Out Please'' gets his lush orders his taxi and 5 mins later he's outside the dolls house he thinks he's meeting when his mate texts from his Mrs's phone and says just knock at the door Anyway he starting to s**te himself by this stage then says f**k it and starts walking up the drive and honestly the doll he thinks he is meeting opens the door to head out he just looks at her sorta smiling carryout in hand thinking she gonna be all over him a few seconds pass and he now realises something is wrong when he just bursts out does she know where another fella that lives in the same estate lives!! A few days later we had to fill her in he still gets some abuse about it. I dunno if this sounds funny or not but it was f**king hilarious at the time!! ;D ;D legendary........ ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by pele on Sept 3, 2010 22:26:05 GMT
I done a similair one only imo alot better that lasted for about a week, Its too long to write up but remind to tell you sometime ;D would it be the 1 way wee pat ;D ;D Thats the one |
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Post by EL HADJI DIOUF on Sept 3, 2010 22:34:48 GMT
big mans a gentleman.well settled ,saying that i wouldnt want to be on the receiving end of his temper your rite fish n pele.was a gd yin though lol.
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Post by mrfish on Sept 3, 2010 22:40:45 GMT
few things........ I need to know who our "hero" is!!!!!! And, I need to hear the one about Pat!!! Yese aren't using this thread properly lads!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by mrfish on Sept 4, 2010 12:12:16 GMT
And, I need to hear the one about Pat!!! Yese aren't using this thread properly lads!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D After a few sleepless nights wanting to know this story in all it's Glory I have finally heard it and must admit, it's a f**king beezer!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D I'm sure we could "cut the story short" as the saying goes?? Maybe later!! |
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Post by berbatov9 on Sept 4, 2010 17:40:28 GMT
I hav one. one nite me roberthoof an a chinese friend of ours were out on the drink downtown. it came t the end o the nite an hoof went t get a scran in the chinese when a girl in the chinese said to hoof do u fancy comin back to a party at her house in beech drive (i think she was a ward) so hoof said no thanks an thot no more about it. me an him started t walk home when ten minutes later our chinese friend rang me askin where we were so i said were at a party with a few women an to come on up an gave him the address but he was home and all so he then booked a taxi from his house round to the address an rang me when he was outside. i jus said come on in were upstairs an just at that sum1 in the house twitched the blinds so he starts walkin up the driveway when these two dolls come out an ask him what the f**k hes doin an he s**t himself an said sorry wrong address an turned on his heels an had to walk home ha ha ha! lets jus say we got a nice phonecall the nxt day callin us a pair o cnuts :-)
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xxx"...
.we then payed for our tickets.the conductor says is this bloke snoring way yous.i said no mate but dont wake him were just glad he drifted off hes a hot head,seems the violent type 
